hooking-up-overseas
Credit: Shannon Washington

Suntan selfies, exotic dishes and cityscape views to die for. When we travel, our “get into THIS” state of mind tends to take over as it should. And why not? We’re discovering new things, challenging ourselves and sharing our journeys and progress through posts and updates with our friends. And according to a recent studywe’re also having more sex. Vacation sex. Casual sex. Good, inhibition and relationship expectation-free sex.

Great getaways and great sex are a natural fit. So why aren’t we talking about it? Perhaps because women, especially Black women, have traditionally been taught that we don’t just “give it away” to anyone without a commitment or even a ring. Or maybe the fact that a woman who enjoys no-strings-attached sex is commonly mislabeled as “loose” or worse “a whore” because for some reason, some people can’t fathom that women also like to get off and don’t always need to do so in the structure of a relationship. Minds. Are. Blown! In my personal experience, even the most politically and socially liberated/savvy feminist women in my circle have thrown pockets of respectability-politics laden shade to single ladies who choose to get it in on a getaway. A “we don’t do that” mentality that is somehow forgotten when it comes to our “acceptable” state-side dating habits.

Ladies, your body is yours. And you have the right to do with your body whatever you want. You have the right to enjoy yourself, to make yourself happy. And if that means having a one-night stand with a cutie bartender you met in Barcelona after a night of cerveza, dancing and flirting—do it. Do it well. Wake up with a smile on your face and file that memory to your collection of unforgettable moments and continue to enjoy your life as you see fit.

I’ve done it. You’re doing it, we’re all doing it. Or at least thinking about it. Maybe. Regardless if it’s a fantasy that never is fulfilled, let’s talk about how to do it right.

One thing to note, just because you are away and the opportunity presents itself doesn’t mean you have to have sex. And while you may feel a bit more invincible with the rush that travel brings, you’re not invincible to disease, violence, unexpected pregnancy or worse.  Consider the below as a solo/single traveling woman’s guide to help you remain confident in yourself, your security and your satisfaction so that when it’s about to go down, you aren’t scrambling and can just enjoy the moment.

Slow Down And Listen

This is more of a general travel safety tip, but if you do find yourself out on a date, grabbing a drink with or in a situation with a person whose face you’d strongly consider using as a seat, slow it down, raise up your awareness, listen to them and your inner voice. Does this person give you a questionable vibe? Are they really vague? Is this person overly-aggressive? Fifteen minutes in and already alluding to “going somewhere quiet” or “back to your room to talk?” Does this person seem secure in their own life?  What is your instinct telling you?

Essentially, use your absolute best and instinctive judgment about a person. Any person you are getting to know for that matter. And as a precaution, don’t go in too hard on the drinks or joints and always keep your drinks in eyesight from the bar to your hands. Not only will you have better sex (trust me) you will also will have your wits in the event that things take a serious left.

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